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Thinking Like A Squirrel
Category Archives: Humor
MMhmmm
- Mmmarch
- Mmadness
- Mmademmmoiselle
- Mmminnionns
- M&Mmmms
- Micky Moussse
- Mmmawwaiage is what bwings us togevew toodayyy
- Mmmmelons
- Mmegalommmaniac
- Mmoreoverr
- Mummmbllle
- Mmistakes were mmmaaade
- Minniicooper
- Mmmighty Mmmississsssippi
- Mmakeoverrr
- Mmad About Yooouu
- Mmmayor
- Mmmayonaise
- Myanmmaarr
- Mmmurder, She Wrooote
- Mmolllly Mmallloonne
- Mmmad Mmmaaxxx
- Mmmister
- Mmhmm
Short Phrases (in honor of the shortest month)
- Short on time
- Short stuff
- Two bricks short of a load
- Short end of the stick
- A day late and a dollar short
- Coming up short
- Drawing the short straw
- Long story short
- Short and sweet
Food Phrases
- Egg on your face
- Tossing your cookies
- Have your cake and eat it too
- Let them eat cake!
- The cake is a lie
- Bring home the bacon
- Don’t cry over spilled milk
- Don’t spill the beans
- Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
- Easy as pie
- Pie in the sky
- Time to make the donuts
- Butter him up
- Smooth as butter
- When life gives you lemons…
- How corny
- Two peas in a pod
- In a pickle
- Salt of the earth
A Modern Day 12 Days of Christmas (which would be far more helpful than all those birds)
- A basket of organic fruit from a pear tree
- Two bags of Dove chocolate
- Three nights in Paris, France
- Four free calls with a therapist
- Five full bitcoins
- Six nights of restful sleep
- Seven days swimming in an ocean
- Eight days of maid service
- Nine dancing lessons
- Ten days of nobody leaping to conclusions
- Eleven extra days of vacation
- Twelve months where all my bills are paid
Five
- Fifth try’s a charm
- Five’s a crowd
- Five to tango
- Five faced
- Dress to the fives
- Cast the fifth stone
- Double fives
- Gone in five seconds
- Five for the road
- All in five pieces
- Back to square five
- Five birds with five stones
- Working five to five
- The only five for me
- Five of a kind
- It’s five a.m. I think I’m lonely
- Getting the fifth degree
- Love potion number 5
- In fifth heaven
- On cloud five
- Those five little words
- Five too many
- Five is enough
Which Men Should Have Beards (In Honor Of World Beard Day, September 3, 2022)
- All
The Eyes Have It
- Eye on the prize
- Apple of my eye
- Keep your eye on the ball
- Eye of the tiger
- Aye aye, Captain Crunch!
- All in favor say ‘Aye’
- Bright eyed and bushy tailed
- Eye for an eye
- Eyelet fabric
- In your eyes so blue
- Lost in your eyes
- Eye of the storm
- Four eyes
- Look ’em dead in the eye
- The whites of their eyes
- Caught my eye
- Bird’s eye view
- Eagle eye
- Side eye
- Eyes in the back of your head
- Third eye
- Bullseye
- Without batting an eye
- Turn a blind eye
- Eyes wide open
- The ayes have it
How Job Hunting is Like Dating
- In the beginning you’re choosy, but eventually you hand out resumes the same way men use Tinder: Swipe right on everything.
- Your friends tell you their success stories so you start to believe you just might find the perfect match.
- It’s all about the networking. But that’s exhausting.
- Most of what you find isn’t even slightly attractive.
- What looks good also looks out of your league.
- Everything that seems interesting ignores you.
- When anyone gives you the slightest bit of attention you get giddy, even when you can clearly see they are not right for you.
- Meeting in person for the first time is nerve-wracking.
- You buy new clothes for that first meeting, even though this is the first time you met so how would they know if the clothes are new or not but you do it anyway.
- After your meet up all of your friends want the deets but really all you can say is “I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”
- After a couple weeks of radio silence you realize you’ve been ghosted.
- Half the time you get 15 minutes into that first meeting and you think “Eh, is this really the best option I’ve got?”
- In general, the process stinks.
Silly But True Nicknames (in honor of The First Two on the List Who were Both Born on January 20)
- Buzz Aldrin (Astronaut)
- Fireball Roberts (Racecar driver)
- Chevy Chase (Actor)
- Spike Lee (Director)
- Sting (Singer)
- Chipper Jones (Baseball player)
- Yeezy / Ye (Rapper)
- Penny Hardaway (Basketball player)
- Bing Crosby (Singer)
- Whoopi Goldberg (Actress)
- Teddy Ballgame (Baseball player)
- Judge Reinhold (Actor)
- Magic Johnson (Basketball player)
- Tiger Woods (Golfer)
- Redd Foxx (Comedian)
- Babe Ruth (Baseball player)
- Bruno Mars (Singer)
- Buster Keaton (Actor)
- Skeet Ulrich (Actor)
