In the beginning you’re choosy, but eventually you hand out resumes the same way men use Tinder: Swipe right on everything.
Your friends tell you their success stories so you start to believe you just might find the perfect match.
It’s all about the networking. But that’s exhausting.
Most of what you find isn’t even slightly attractive.
What looks good also looks out of your league.
Everything that seems interesting ignores you.
When anyone gives you the slightest bit of attention you get giddy, even when you can clearly see they are not right for you.
Meeting in person for the first time is nerve-wracking.
You buy new clothes for that first meeting, even though this is the first time you met so how would they know if the clothes are new or not but you do it anyway.
After your meet up all of your friends want the deets but really all you can say is “I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”
After a couple weeks of radio silence you realize you’ve been ghosted.
Half the time you get 15 minutes into that first meeting and you think “Eh, is this really the best option I’ve got?”
JustFriends.com – For the people who will never Define the Relationship
JustMemes.com – Match through memes
IDKMaybe.net – For people who aren’t sure yet if they are ready for a relationship
DamagedGoods.com – Must apply through a therapist who has worked with you through multiple life crises
ColdFeet.com – Accepting applicants who stay strong in a relationship right up until the time to make a commitment
FlirtWithMe.net – For outside-validation junkies, no requirement to ever reply
WeirdFlexBro.com – Profiles must include a minimum of three awkward brags
BeMyBlessing.org – For those who will over-spiritualize your meeting
TryingToPretendImOkay.com – People who will not let you know about their deepest problems until it is way too late
DeepConversations.net – People who will ONLY tell you their deepest problems as soon as you connect
CuffingSeason.org – Specializing in relationships designed to last October/ November through January
HippyDays.org – People born before 1970 who haven’t changed their hair or style since then
YesIAmFlippingYouOff.com – The people on this site are not surprised when you are flipping off the camera on your dating profile
NoRealPix.net – Profile must be made up exclusively of photos of your motorcycle, animal you’ve killed, memes, or food (Profiles containing only photographs of your children will be accepted on individual basis)
GuessWho.com – All photos include multiple people, at least one of whom is attractive and one of whom is not
NoD***Picks.com – Service automatically forwards any unsolicited photos to original poster’s mother / wife / sister / etc
